Notice the resemblance?
Look closer.
If you strain hard enough, you’d swear they’re twins. NOT!!

In an ambitious bid to increase its ratings, television network ABS-CBN has recently launched another high budget teleserye: Kambal sa Uma. Featuring rat-human mutants, Kambal sa Uma is an adaptation of a 1979 movie of the same title. One word of advice: Avoid it like the bubonic plague.

You don’t believe me?

Do you know the show is based on a stupid premise? A pregnant woman, who somehow got insanely interested in rats, gives birth to rat-human mutants. Wow. They expect us to believe that unhealthy obsession with rats can actually make rat genes combine with human genes.*

Still having faith in folk stories?

That’s good. You can follow their advise and stop bathing on Good Fridays, Saturdays, Mondays, and on all days that fall on the calendar. Who knows, you might smell like your rat-human-mutant-idol soon.

Surely you’re not impressed with the acting?

The extras are horrible! They react too quickly. For example, some extras removed one of the rat-human-mutant’s clothes, thereby exposing her furry back. They showed disgust**, even before the dreaded exposure.

And did I mention the show was stupid?

Yes it is, but not as stupid as the logic of the show. I don’t think Filipinos would dare kill deformed children, even if they look like abominations of the human-rat-hybrid kind. Experience dictates that Filipinos are more enterprising. The show should have featured the kidnap of one of the rat-human-mutants and sold her to a freak show!

Do you know that stupidity is contagious, especially if seen on TV?

You don’t?!! Then I pity you. The show must have taken hold of your intellect. Btw, I saw a mild case of Kambal sa Uma-induced stupidity today. He’s not yet at your level but he was getting there. He just came to the Health Center where I was doing my immersion when he suddenly said:
Hala! Buhi lagi na siya?!
WHAT! She’s alive?!
Apparently, what he last saw was one of the young rat-human-mutants being thrown to sea to drown. (Did I mention that those extras should have earned money had they sold the mutant at a freak show instead of murdering her?) As a sign of respect to the old man, I kept silent but my head was going:
WHAT!? HAS THE SHOW POSSESSED YOU THIS EARLY? THAT SHOW IS ONLY 1 WEEK OLD. YOU HAVE SEEN SCREEN SHOTS OF THE MUTANT GROWN UP, RIGHT? WHY WERE YOU SHOCKED TO SEE HER ALIVE?!

Btw, perhaps I’ve made a hasty diagnosis of your mental capacity. You may have some hope left. Surely, the show mustn’t have possessed you too quickly. Let me test your IQ with one question. If you can’t answer this, then you’re hopeless. Keep watching the show. It’s already owned you…

Q: What does Uma in Kambal sa Uma mean?

WHAT?! YOU’VE BEEN WATCHING THE SHOW FOR A WEEK, AND YOU STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT ITS TITLE EVEN MEANS? THEN THAT JUST PROVES ME RIGHT. STUPID. JUST STUPID. KAMBAL SA UMA IS STUPID.

*I don’t care if it’s Filipino folklore. It’s still stupid.
**Oops, I think disgust is too heavy a word to describe what they were trying to portray. It does, however, describe the way I felt about their acting.