preMEDitated

She was introduced to us near noon time.
The left side of her body was partially paralyzed. Her speech and facial expressions were normal, but her left hand and foot could as well be just dead weights. Yet though her movements were strictly limited, her speech was definitely unhindered.
I was standing at her bedside inquiring at her medical history when she reached out her hand and slightly touched my finger. My finger reflexively drew itself back. I hurriedly righted its position as I remembered our doctors’ lessons.
As medicine became highly technical, the personal side of medicine was soon forgotten. Patients became persons to be cured first, and actual persons second. The rise of harassment cases have also been of no help. Many doctors soon stopped touching their patients unless otherwise necessary.
Yet according to our doctors’ experience, many patients, particularly the elderly, crave physical touch. They want human comfort and human empathy more than they need drugs and therapy.
She answered our questions coherently. And for someone who just woke up, she was talkative. I could feel that a relationship was being formed, and as much as I would have liked to not be involved personally, it was impossible not to be involved. A sacred relationship was being built between us, a relationship protected from outside intrusion by the patient-physician confidentiality.
Then something hit me. As she shared her life and as we performed tests on her, I could not help but realize what patients saw in doctors. I was aware of a heavy weight that seemed to fall on my shoulders. They viewed doctors as saviors, whether they may like it or not. A whole legal and ethics system has even evolved because of this expectation.
I almost shuddered at this realization. Even though doctors may be seen as the very image of high status and freedom, in reality they are as paralyzed as our patient, unable to move to their full potential, constrained by laws, expectations, and duty; yet inwardly also craving to be treated as human, not as saviors or gods…